k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
