I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
