Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
