i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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