You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
