Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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