I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
