I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
