I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
