i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
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Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
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Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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