wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
