This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
