I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
