Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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