3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
