Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
