I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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