Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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