His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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