Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
