She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
