Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
