I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
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