I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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