How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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