I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the raccoons are back...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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