Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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