Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
