sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
