apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize