R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
