So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
