Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
