That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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