i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
