What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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