nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
