it was like eating out sand paper
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
