I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
