I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
