can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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