i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
