Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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