I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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