I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish my penis had a tongue
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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