we should wear snuggies to the strip club
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
