i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
