ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
