On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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