Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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