I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
