If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
