no, he came in my armpit
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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