my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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