So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
