so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
