...so i touched it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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