Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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