I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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