Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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