Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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