Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
