i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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