Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
