...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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