I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
