Your tits are I can't wait for
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
