Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
