Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
