dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
