New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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