Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
