He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
