I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
